Corned Beef

So I wanted to make this corned beef ghetto goodness for dinner tonight, but you see that lil "key" right there? That sunnuvabatch decided to break off halfway while I was tryin to open the can! Aint that about a bee-eye! I got all the potatoes, onions, garlic all cookin away in the pan with this retarded can straight useless. So I go on FB and let the buds know my mishap, in which many provided ideas on how to open:

1) youre fucked

2) damn

3) lmfao

4) use an ice pick (an ice pick??? I'm not a murderer...only they carry those!)

5) use a can opener (this would sound about right, too bad my can is shaped like a trapezoid!)

6) use scissors

7) use a knife

8) open it with my teeth (yeah, so i'll look like Freddy Kreuger came to visit my mouth)

9) shoot it (would be fun, but no dinner after)

10) use my kung fu grip

Here you see the mayhem by way of scissors. What a "massacre" someone called it. Im sure there's shards of metal in my stomach right now. If I dont show up to work, find me in ICU.

Word to these titanium blades. Bad ass.